My Life, my dreams, my musings……..

June 10, 2009

Love actually…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 10:42 pm

Like dust 
Rising in whorls 
To an iridescent sky 
My words reach your lips 
Seeking refuge in 
A beloved’s smile. 
You drink from them, 
Your thirst satisfied. 

Softly the darkness shrouds 
Trampling twigs and leaves 
That you fondly buried 
In your diary of poetry 
And good deeds.

I am wondering, 
Still musing 
When you gently knock me, 
“Why? 
Are you drowned in my eyes?” 
I emit a coy laugh – 
Wish I wasn’t 
Carrying the burden 
Of being wise. 
You choose silence then,

Smile-

Throwing in a glance or two,

Knotting this heart in multitudes

And I sit here 
Untying each knot 
Into a poem for you.
I don’t know why I came up with this. The transient feeling, which I mistook to be an emotion as pious and pure as love, gave me the inspiration to write this. The feeling’s long gone, and am void now. It’s a void which needs to be filled, not covered. It’s an abyss of dismal singularity whose depth is still unknown and un-gauged!

Life always has a plan for each one of us. The plan is not revealed to us, until the last moment. Am not complaining, because it is this factor of mystery which makes life interesting!

Jiyo bindass!!! 🙂

October 21, 2008

THE N MISTAKES OF MY LIFE

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 10:51 pm

 

Oh no! Am not inspired by the latest Chetan Bhagat novel. Hell, I don’t even like it! But yeah, it did inspire me to look back at my life, and mull over some mistakes that I committed in my life-so-far. Not that I have had a very long life or something (I just turned 22!). But yes, I do have some regrets, some qualms. Somewhere, looking back makes me see a deep chasm, an abyss in my past life. These are some musings which gnaw at my sanity, and chide me, “Oh! You were so stupid and immature back then!” But then, I find solace in the fact the acceptance of one’s mistakes is a step towards setting them right. Of course, some mistakes are irreparable and cost you a lot. The maximum you can do is, to realize them, and take a vow that you’d never repeat them ever, in your lifetime. It is the forbearance which marks the maturity of a human being.

Well, the first mistake I committed, coming chronologically, was to shun my sister. Even as an infant, I hated the sight of her. I had always wanted a younger brother, and the news of birth of a younger sister was too much for me to bear. Seemingly, I told my Maami to exchange this kid for another baby boy in the hospital. Well, looking at it from one aspect, some might wave it off as a childish brawl. It is but obvious that children do feel the insecurity with the arrival of a younger sibling. But with me, it was different. In the sense, I screwed up my relationship with my sister because of my “childhood insecurities”. I was holding on to it till I was 15, and she, 11. I do give her the credit for being a wonderfully mature human being. All younger siblings are smart. They are very sensitive to the moods of the parents and the elder siblings. They know the pattern of brought-up by parents, and refrain from committing the same mistakes as their elder sisters or brothers. My sister, too, was smart in that sense. And, additionally, she was aware of the fact that I did not accept her at all. Even then, she respected my decisions and looked up to me for most of the things. I lost precious 11 years of close bonding with her. At the end of the day, your siblings are your dearest friends, because they understand you the best.

Next, I really do regret the way I behaved with my parents. I shunned them completely. I have said many a mean things to them. Had it been anyone else, they would’ve given me a tight slap and would have hated me definitely. But my parents put up with my immature thoughts and behaviour and silently saw me heal. I always held the grudge against them that they never stopped me when I wanted to run away. They let go of me. Now, looking back at it, I do realize how difficult a decision it is to let go of a child. I can never think of letting go of my child. But they respected my decision, and knew what was best for me. Not stopping me was their way of telling me that they held unending trust in me. I was a dementia-hit, hysterical, schizophrenic freak when it came to my parents. But now, am happy that things have changed for good. My going away have given way to coming back to them, finally. I respect them and their decisions now.

Another mistake I committed was to have under-utilized the opportunities given to me at my school, DPS, Korba. I hid under covers, literally. I felt protected in anonymity. I tried hard to suppress all my talents, never letting them surface up. It was a deception towards my teachers, who invested a lot of hard work and hopes in me. I cheated them by not being what I could have been. In that way, I cheated myself too. I became what my peers wanted me to be. I posed to be the ultra-cool, uber-urban, hip-hop kinda person, because that was what gained me a position in the most elite group of school. It was a pseudo-existence for 12 years in school. It definitely was not me, at any point of time. But again, the realization did set in, and I decided to break the charade. When I set foot in my new school, I was a totally new person, much to the chagrin of some of my old friends ;-).

A small getaway here. The fact that I enumerate all my misgivings here may make me sound like a masochist. But, trust me, it is anything but that. The more I come in terms with all these obscure fears, the more is the pain alleviated. For me, this is the way it works-hitting hard on the truth makes me see it, and allays all my doubts.

Anyways, another mistake that I committed was that I never sought for a person who’d listen to me. It was purely by chance that I hit across Harini and Vijay. Had it not been for them, I would still have been only a patient listener. I do find pleasure in playing the agony aunt and helping out the people with their troubles. It gives me immense satisfaction if I am able to spread smiles across faces. But in doing these, I put my own feelings and wants in the backseat. There was a time when I became a doormat, letting anybody and everybody trample over me. I used to let people make fun of me, have a laugh at my expense. I used to join them in the joke they cracked on me. It was my friend who made me see the futility of it. She told me that being a doormat won’t solve the purpose. It would bear down on my self-dignity. The best bet would be to be strong myself and give support to others. This is a hard-faced truth which Harini made me see. And Vijay is this person, who listens out to me. I can keep lamenting to him forever and ever, and he’d still be listening to me. He gives me unconditional support and I know I can fall back on him whenever I need a true friend. Same with Harini too.

Another complaint that I have is to have taken my engineering way too leniently. I had antipathy towards the course, the college, the rules, et al. But that was no reason for me to screw my academics at college. Engineering is not a big deal, it isn’t tough and all. I could have easily scored over 87%. But I never took my subjects seriously, did not pay enough heed to classes. I have had an academically strong background in my school life and all. However, in college, I did not give enough justice to matters relating to studies. Not that I fared badly in exams and all, but I didn’t perform up to my capabilities. I did balance my academics and extra curriculars, but yeah, I didn’t give it my best shot. A mistake which didn’t cost me anything as such, however, a few better grades would have looked good on my mark sheets.

The biggest mistake that I’ve committed so far is to have wasted 6 precious, solid months of my life. The period between completing my UG and joining my company was a golden one, inviting me with open arms, to realize most of my dreams. I could’ve applied for a course in journalism, or studied for GRE and TOEFL, actually written them off…! Whew! All I did was, to waste away the time in front of the system, watch TV and read books. Well, I take back the last part, about reading books, but otherwise, I could have done so much. Like, I could’ve seriously charted out a weight reduction plan, and stuck on to it religiously. Ah well, it isn’t too late for that. The indefinite hold that our calls have been put on seems to be the trend for the coming couple of months. All I have to say is, “I shall over come, I shall over come, I shall over come, some day!”

So, these are the few candidly put forth thoughts of mine. I don’t have any shame looking back at them, and to have committed any of these mistakes, because I belong to the school of thoughts which says that “You learn from your past mistakes.” Smartness lies in the fact that we do not commit any of our mistakes for a second time. We emerge a better person after realizing each folly of ours, don’t we?

 

September 7, 2008

Time. Change. Times Change…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 12:03 am

Time. Change. These two words have been in my thoughts for quite some time now. It’s like, every thing that I think about these days, are somehow related to these two words. You  see, this period is in a way golden. For once, it has given me ample opportunity to spend time with myself. “Main aur meri tanhayi…” kinds. No romantic intonations here. I am, and my thoughts are. There are times when sooo.. many thoughts flood my mind. And I keep playing them, rewinding, fast forwarding, doing all kinds of engineering with them.  How I wish I could just freeze them, put them in suspended mode, and analyse each one of them properly. But alas!! They are volatile, sublime…. Well…..coming back to change, time. I’ll thread them together, because that’s how they are supposed to be. Yeah. Time brings Change. Change takes Time. Whatever.

This time I visited Korba, my friend, who is seeing me after 6 long years was Shocked at how much I’d changed. Physically, yes….mentally, all the more. And that’s what surprised her all the more. I had only one thing to say to her…People do change over time. If there is no change, there is stagnation. And where there is stagnation, there is no growth. And no growth is as good as death. My friend didn’t seem very comfortable on seeing some of my changes. But hey….I am my truth. The ultimate truth for me is I. Confusing, eh? Forget it then..

I was wondering about what all about me has changed over a period of 6 years.  The first thing that strikes me is I have started loving myself a lot. There used to be a period when I was ashamed of myself! Can you believe that???? I hated looking at what the mirror showed. I was living in a shadow of so many people back then. I had no persona of myself. I reflected the ideas, thoughts of my peers. I never lived MY life earlier. Then came the biggest event in my life-my departure from Korba. The departure gave way to some fresh arrivals in my life. Self acceptance, individuality, confidence, what not! And life Changed me, rather, I Changed my life. Self acceptance slowly gave way to love for myself. I am so much at ease with myself, and the mirror has become my friend. And I strongly believe that, when you are aware of your own self, your own needs, you are much more open to things around you. Sensitivity to your surroundings creeps in automatically.  

And yes, another big change in my life has been acceptance of people, things as they are. For this, the first thing that we have to overcome is, Expectations. The word encompasses in itself, some of the mysteries of broken hearts and relationships. “I am upset, because my friend did not call me up, as I expected her to.” “My mother is upset, because I did not perform as well as she expected.” “This student did not stand upto the expectations of the teachers.” See? Everytime we Expect something, we tend to get upset more often than not. Our expectations always are marked by our own parameters. We put into brackets, the people and things, and when things don’t fall in these brackets, we sulk. One should not forget that putting into brackets is nothing but limiting things. The universe is unlimited, seamless, endless. Then how we, the beings of the universe, who carry the qualities of the Supreme beings, can be limited? We are subject to growth every moment, every second. We are designed to change constantly.

Acceptance is a virtue, which is very, very important. It is one of the simple keys to a comfortable life.  The basic form of that is self acceptance. Then comes the acceptance towards the fellow human beings. And finally comes the acceptance of the circumstances. Remember, acceptance doesn’t in any way make us cowardly. On the other hand, it is a feat difficult to achieve by all. The easiest way to conquer the storm is to follow its course. Great epics like Ramayana speak of acceptance as virtue of God. Did Rama not accept Kaikeyi, even though she meted out a very cruel judgement on Him? And yes, acceptance not only glorifies a person, it also simplifies the otherwise complex situations. I attribute this change in me wholly to my stay in the hostel. It has definitely changed my perspective towards life.

I have also learnt to harness the strength of forgiveness. People are never inherently bad or sadistic. We were all conceived in a moment of passion. So anything created in passion cannot be bad at all. Circumstances make us what we are. The moment we start looking at things this way, we would find that we can easily forgive anybody and everybody, however heinous the crime committed by the other person. Forgiveness is not the shield of cowards, it is the weapon of the most mighty human forms. As it is, Life does not give us a second chance. Then why should we be cruel and do the same?

These changes are some of the major events in my life. I am happy that I changed. Now, looking at the world with rainbow shades is not an unimaginable thing for me.  This is a line from one of the most famous MJ numbers,” If you wanna change the world, start with the Man in the Mirror!” God bless…

 

 

September 2, 2008

PARADISE LOST AND FOUND….my trip to Korba!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 1:09 pm

        The seed was sown when I saw the pictures in the album of my classmate. A few of them had visited the school recently and had taken lots of pictures of their sojourn to school. The nostalgia bug bit me, and bit me very hard. From then on, there wasn’t a day that’d pass without me charting out a plan to visit Korba and my alma mater- DPS, KORBA. Somehow things wouldn’t just get set right. There was always some obstacle or the other. Finally, one day, luck shone bright on me. Sreekala ma’am was to come to Delhi for a programme. She decided to take me along with her while returning. Bingo! Suddenly, everything became just right. That marked the beginning of a very close-to-heart trip.

        We reached Champa at around 1:00 pm. All through the car ride to ma’am’s place, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Trust me, I could savour even the fragrance of my earliest memories of the place. It was a total, out-of-the-world experience. I could see so many familiar faces on day 1, some of them being my old teachers. Day 2 was the best all through my stay. I was going to visit the school I loved so dearly!!! Right from the morning, I was envisioning how it’d be, to walk on the corridors which have seen so much of me, the most of me. I drove to school (yes, ma’am was too generous and entrusted her car with me. Love u ma’am!) at around 11.15 am. It was so difficult to keep my hands shaking with excitement! The smile seemed to have glued to my face permanently. I was all but running to the staff room, where I was sure that I’d meet most of my teachers. Trust me, it is absolute bliss to see the huge acknowledging smile on the faces which you’ve revered so much. With each teacher I have so many memories attached. I was reliving each of them vividly. You know what, teachers are the ones who make you the person you are. I owe my persona completely to the teachers of this wonderful institution. What upset me was that there were so many great teachers during my times at school, but most of them have left now. I guess the present students are missing a lot, without the likes of Renu ma’am, Bama ma’am, etc. in the school. Guess my luck was way too good!!!

We might have achieved so much in our post-school lives, but I believe that we definitely must show our gratitude towards our makers. Our teachers have nurtured us right from the beginning. We must not deprive them of the pleasure of feeling proud of their hard work, and the success of making a worthy human being. It is more or less like the gardener who has planted saplings….his joys knows no bounds when he sees the fruit laden trees after a decade. We are our teachers’ investments of hard work and commitments.  

I met most of my teachers there. It was awesome. Their unending trust in us drives us all the more towards excellence. And yeah!! I could not hold myself from sitting in one of the classrooms. It was a total emotional boost up for me. I could give anything in return for a day in the classrooms, with some of my favourite teachers taking classes for me. Guess some things can never know the realms of reality; they are conceived in the thoughts, get nurtured there, and end there as well.

           The next day found me taking a walk on the streets of the township, the streets that I used to tread on so often. Somehow or the other, every little thing there has some memories attached to it. It was difficult for me to stop those small memory bubbles plopping in my head so often. I walked to the place which was my HOME for 12 long years. That house has seen my laughter, tears. It still resounds of the giggles that my sister and I used to share. The grass still gives out the fresh aroma of wet earth, after a splendid shower in which I used to love getting drenched with my friends. Tears started flowing all by themselves, and I made no efforts to stop them. Sometimes words seem so oblique; silence and tears surmise all our deepest feelings. Whew! It was a beautiful feeling that I experienced then, standing there in front of the heavenly abode, D-22, Krishna Vihar. Hmmm….all I have to say is, “I walked on lonely streets, on the boulevard of broken dreams!” I met my old neighbours, close friends of ours.

          Day 5, and the painfully last day of the wonderful stay, saw me driving to one of my oldest teacher’s place. It was more of a courtesy visit, because I hadn’t met her before leaving Korba. She lives alone now, and I could succeed in giving her company for 2 hours. That evening, Rashmi, one of my friends, dropped in and together we made a trip to Kavita ma’am’s place. Now, Kavita ma’am is more of a friend to me than a teacher. She is one of those few people with whom I could entrust my life. I have very fond memories of her. It was lovely to meet her after such a long time. And the day ended with a wonderful dinner at Hotel Green Park with Rashmi, Moumita and Achu. We kept up with some old traditions 😉 !!! Solemn promises, formal handshakes, informal departing hugs, we did all of them!!!

          Now comes the best part about my stay…! It isn’t about a place, it is all about the pesrson with whom I stayed. Yep! I stayed with Sreekala Ma’am. There were many raises eyebrows when I mentioned that I was going to stay with my teacher. But to all those people who scoffed at me, I answered with a sympathetic smile….they did not have a person as wonderful as her in their lives. I stayed with a person whom I love a lot, who is probably the closest to my heart from Korba. This trip helped me in understanding ma’am all the more, and I my love and admiration for her increased manifolds. I can claim unabashedly now that I love her in her totality. Ma’am. I am, because you are!!! And yes, here, in this trip, I got a younger brother, something which I’ve always yearned for. Achu is a total bundle of joy. You know what, of all human beings, only children know how to love selflessly and unconditionally. In Achu, I found a person who accepted me totally the way I am. For him, all that mattered was my company. Seriously, if the whole world could start loving as a child does, it would become a better place to live in! Aaahhh…forgot to mention who Achu is…he is Sreekala Ma’am’s 8 year old son!

         I guess even the railway department did not want me to leave so soon…..the train for the return journey was delayed by 3 hours. The 5 hours that I spent in the station was full of fond memories of the past 6 days. It was all in all a wonderful trip. It was raining hard in the Champa station, and all I could feel was a mélange of emotions going through me. The feeling of loving and being loved, good memories lingering in my thoughts, the aroma of wet earth and the soft sprays of rain did wonders to me. And, as ma’am put it, there was downpour outside me and within me too!!! Nature complemented the mood….it was the pious shower which washes away all the negativities and makes you an altogether new person!!!

 

                                                                                                                          

July 25, 2008

MY WILL BE DONE…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 1:22 pm

The other day, I was watching a movie, “Bruce Almighty”, starring Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston and Morgan Freeman. What started as a laughter riot, slowly took a very profound turn. The story is about a news reporter, who can’t handle his life well. He is treated as a doormat, and this, he deifinitely cannot take in his stride. He is so frustrated that he starts rebuking God for all his failures, he makes statements like God is incapable and has no powers. And Pooh! How does God decide to assure him of His powers? He makes Jim God!!! And what follows is a series of events which ends you up in stitches. Initially Jim is damned happy that he has invincible powers. He uses them to straighten up his life, but that’s about all he cares about. But, God can’t just concentrate on one single human, can he? He starts hearing all kinds of strange voices inside his heads, which, of course are prayers of the entire human race. At one point of time, tired of answering the prayers, he grants everything to everybody. As expected, it results in a havoc. Finally, Jim realizes that it isn’t a simple job to be God after all! He quits the job(??) and leads his life normally again.

Funny, huh?? Yeah, initially it does appear to be really funny and full of laughs. But there is a serious side to it as well. How would it feel to be God? I mean, yeah, it’s kinda out of the box thinking, but again, thoughts are seamless. Imaginations can reach any nook and corner…there are no limitations to them. Being God, being the Almighty…The thought alone is so HUGE and so overpowering. By the way, one thing needs to be got clear. Who is God actually? Is He a person, with a human form? Maybe no, because that would give Him a mortal picture. Humans are mortal, not God. Is God a form of light? Something you can explain, but not see? C’mon, you cannot SEE light, you just see things around you because of Light! So maybe God is Light, the ethereal, pious, WHITE LIGHT. Or, again, is God some kind of energy? I have an inclination to believe that He is some form of energy. But then, light too is some form of energy. So, that does it. God is Light and God is Energy. See, you don’t have to really agree to this conclusion of mine. Because if you do, u wudnt’t have the broadmindedness to see the big picture. My idea needn’t be on the same geographical map as urs, but definitely, both count equally.

I have always had a belief that each one of us is connected to everyone else on this earth. We share some kind of bond, a kind of relationship which holds our hearts and emotions together. Bizarre as it may sound, how else can you explain the sudden smile that flashes across your face, or that unexplained grumpiness which creeps in? I say, these feelings occur because someone somewhere is happy or sad. Not ready to buy this idea? OK fine…explain this! You are very, very sad, and all of a sudden, ur friend comes up. He is quite happy. On seeing him, you feel quite better, a little happy too, maybe? Don’t tell me that it’s because the presence of your friend does wonders to u. It’s got nothing to do with the physical presence of a person. It works at the mind level. Mind has a very strong transmission system. The receptors are designed to capture signals very effectively. And once the good/bad signals are received, then the T&D system of our body works its way and we tend to become happy or sad-without a reason! So u see, how well we humans are interconnected, at the mind level!

Now, when cosmos was formed, there definitely must have been something called cosmic energy flowing. Given the magnanimity of the universe, obviously, this cosmic energy should be very very large in magnitude. So large, that as an individual is born, he is endowed with a little bit of this energy, and there is still enough available for aeons to come! Whew! This cosmic energy is the one that binds us all together. There is a little of this potent energy that comes from the same source. So, no matter how varied we are, at one point, we become one, our minds become united.  To be contd…

July 17, 2008

THE LIVES AND LIES AT DPSK….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 11:21 pm

Hahaha…Sounds so much like the Reeta Skeeter book, isn’t it??? Well, the content herewith isn’t sketchy and blown up or full of lies…(in case the title troubles u, just overlook it! It was meant to give it a similarity to HP). This blog is a revisit to some of my experiences at school. Why shud u read it? U don’t have to, actually..it is for me to recollect and have a few laughs. If u don’t read on though, bad luck will prevail for u, for the next 3 months. Hey…KIDDING!! I know i have drawn ur attention enough now. So no more building prefaces. Lemme jump into the stuff directly. (Others, go to next para directly; Ma’am, sorry if i am blabbering….but ur wish has always been my command!).

Well…In case u haven’t read my previous post, here’s a gist about my life at school. Huh…on second thoughts, go read my previous post and then come back. I could always do wid a few hits on my blog stats… 😀 .  A school is any student’s haven. It is the place where a child begins its journey of life. My school gave me enough strength to endure anything. My thoughts were given voices, and I was transformed into a productive, useful human being(Dare you question this…). I had always aspired to be in the good books of all the teachers. That was my prime concern at school,for which i had to face some criticism from some of my close pals. Nonetheless, I have had my share of fun at school. Now, who doesn’t? When I look back, I do have some memories which bring back smiles on my face. Being naughty in subtle ways is always healthy, and recommended 😉 .

Our kinda fun was different. It surely included the normal stuff…rechristening some teachers, passing chits, eating in one of the class periods, bunking classes, bunking assemblies, and the likes. But, I remember having been part of some operations which were a bit off the edge and beyond limits to an extent. For instance, in one of my middle classes, we had a teacher who, as per our definitions, was very strict and inhuman. She used to “trouble” us a lot. Result? We, the ‘noble’ gang, took it on us to teach her a lesson. So out we set, with a mission in hand, and unanimous class support. We chose the Annual Function as the day to put our plan to action. We boycotted the function, and cycled to the locality where the teacher lived. We armed ourselves with some stones, and broke her window. Back then, we never knew that the window we broke was her bathroom’s window. The rest is history. For a week, as soon as the teacher entered the classroom, there used to follow a strong smell of deodarant. Any guesses why???? Hahahah…

And then, in our tenth standard, we did something which could have screwed us up totally.and  It’s a kinda ritual that there is an exodus of students in tenth standard. People usually migrate to different places, with hope that they can perform better in other places. No shit, even I was one of the migrants. So, it went without saying that the last few days were filled with emotions, promises to keep in touch, best wishes, and the most inevitable, SLAM BOOKS(Now when I look back, i see how stupid the concept was. Like, what could i possibly do by knowing others’ fave actor, fave dish, etc? Mebbe play the movie of their fave actor and cook their fave dish when they come to meet me after years??? NAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. I don’t buy this idea anymore. But, back then, it was a religious ritual, which any orthodox DiPSite wouldn’t dare to break!). All of us carried a slam book with us to school, which, obviously, was against the rules. It was 21st December precisely, the official last working day for us. Feelings were running high, emotions were at their peak. People were busy resolving their old fights, were trying hard to make up for the past blunders. Amidst all this, one of our fellow classmates, who wasn’t paid much attention to, decided to blow the whistle. He went and complained to our not-so-friendly P T Sir, that 99% of the class had slam books. And apparently, our P T Sir believed too much in the maxim, “Make hay while the sun shines.” He came and started searching our bags. Now, there is a column in most of the slam books, which reads, “The teacher I hate the most”. We had poured our hearts out into that one. That was the most coveted secret of ours, and we had given very grotesque comments in that. (Ahemm….am a good girl, remember?). Then what?Our bloods froze! We could see our not-so-good future ahead. Very very luckily, most of the slam books were there in class X-B. The checking began in class X-C, because we had our P T period then. We went and talked to the most friendly teacher, who sympathised with us and gave us a brilliant idea. She asked us to throw all the slam books from the window, so that it would fall in the P T ground, and one of us could go and fetch it stealthily. Neat, isn’t? (Ma’am, wondering who it is?). So, the day was saved by Mrs. Sreekala Madhavan. Love U ma’am…

Yeah, this one prank has always been one of my faves. Hehehee…! There was this maths teacher of ours, who wasn’t exactly our favourite. We used to love getting back at him. Poor soul! He had this pathetic habit of teaching from guides. Maybe he doubted our intellects, or his own, who knows? Whatever, he never used to go beyond the scope of the guide. We hated that. Once, he wrote down a question on the board, some proof in trigonometry. He was called outside by his colleague. We saw a wonderful chance to play a prank. We had one of our friends to interchange the theta and gamma in the question. Our teacher came back, and asked if any of us were able to solve the sum. We drew blank faces(which was mostly to keep ourselves from laughing). He rebuked us, and started solving the sum. At the fag end, he got confused. There was a look of terror in his face. He alternately looked into the guide and the board. Trust me, it was BLISS!!! 40 mins of TOTAL FUN! The bell rang, and he’d given up all hoped of solving the sum. Then, as a heroic gesture, the guy who had changed the signs, put them in place again. Man, it was a LAUGHTER RIOT! Result was much in our favour-the teacher never stepped into our class again. Well, once, well before this incident, we had torn pages from his much coveted guide, much to his chagrin. The results were quite similar, just that he hadn’t stopped comimg to the classes.

This is one thing that I personally don’t take any pleasure in recounting. Hell, it doesn’t even register as a prank! But yeah, it was an act nonetheless funny. In my eighth standard, we were a lovely bunch of students, the best any teacher could ask for. AM NOT BRAGGING, just spillin out the truth. The gals and guys were well matched in intellect, and there used to be usual battle of wits. Our English ma’am(no points for guessing who—the very same, Sreekala Ma’am), used to keep us at our feet with group discussions and quizzes. We used to be divided into odds and evens as per the roll numbers. Invariably, odds consisted of the creamy layer guys and evens were the creamy layer gals. Once the dice was rolled, it was a deadly war between us. Sparks used to fly everywhere. It used to take a lot of effort from ma’am’s side to settle us down again. During one of such sessions, my dear friend Sumit and I got into a heated argument over a lesson. (“A Lamb to slaughter”, just for the records) We were at our peaks, each trying to mock the other. What started off as an intellectual debate, ended up as a filthy street fight. Egos were running high. Ma’am had to literally pull us apart. She said, “If both of you are given boxing gloves, you’d kill each other in the rink!”. But, she made a final statement that she preferred Sumit’s viewpoint to mine. Gosh! What a blow it was on me! In front of my eyes, I could see my ego being kicked and lain to dust. I couldn’t take it, and so did my fellow debaters. We decided to boycott ma’am’s ensuing classes. We did so. It took us 15 days and hell a lot of cold stares and hinted comments from ma’am to get ourselves back to normal. And did i leave Sumit alone? Never! I took my toll at him, and said something which cost me 1 year of non-communication wid him. Sorry Sumit, never meant to hurt u! It just happened; happy to have you back…

Hahaha…this one could be called GROSS!!! We’ve got a lot of scolding for this one. Well, my friend Beethi once suffered from a bad bout of throat infection. So much so, that there used to be blood streaks in her phlegm. She confided this to me. The “would-be doctors” in us could give only one indication-cancer…! Man, we even went to the extent of crying our hearts out, and promising that we’d be friends again in the next ‘janam’. Beethi didn’t turn up to school for a week. Apparently, she wanted to spend her “last few days” with her family. Back then, we used to have a Bio teacher, who was very friendly wid the two of us. She was concerned about Beethi’s continuous absence, and when it crossed the threshold of one week, she could no longer stand it. She summoned me and asked what the problem was. With a lump in my throat, i told her about Beethi. At first, she was alarmed. Then suspicion crept in, and asked me, how we were so sure. I told her about the blood streaks in her phlegm. Now when I look back, I am damned sure that it would’ve taken her all her might to refrain from slapping me hard. She asked me to tell Beethi to come to school next day and see her. You can as well guess what the result was, for it isn’t pleasant enough for me to recall that part! 😉

July 8, 2008

An Ode To My Alma Mater

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Shyamala N. @ 5:55 pm
frontal view

frontal view

When I look down the memory lane, I can vividly see that my most cherished memories are those of my first school, Delhi Public School, Korba. Of all the educational institutes that I’ve been associated with, this is the ONLY institute that I wish to be recognized with. Yeah, am proud to be a DiPSite!

I joined the school at the age of 4. So, throughout the formative phase of my life, I have been a part of this school. I remember how excited I used to be about getting ready for school. My first teacher was Kusum Badola ma’am, who literally held my hands and taught me my first cursive. I was lucky to be in the safe hands of some of the best teachers, all through my life at DPS, Korba. There was a blend of different cultural and lingual inhabitants at Korba. So, that spiced up my life all the more. Like, I had a Bengali friend, a Marathi Friend, a classmate from some place as remote as Assam…. “Variety IS the spice of life!”. DPS gave me a platform to excel in many things. We were given loads and loads of opportunities. The teachers held our hands, and walked with us, during our early years. Then gradually, when we became steady enough, they slowly left our hands to teach us how to walk alone. But, they were always there, with the encouraging smile on their face. They rushed to us when we were about to fall. They never scolded us when we fell down. Instead, they helped us on our feet again, and motivated us to walk further. Hats off to you, dear teachers!! I am, because You are!!

I happened to make some of my best friends for life here at DPS. We were the notorious gang at school…good at studies, fun loving and rule breakers! Man! Some days those were….! You know, there are these times when I become so desparate because, the harder I try to reach out to the

entrance to the insti

entrance to the insti

memories of those days, the more they seem to slip away from me. A wave of nostalgia sweeps through me when i chance across the pictures taken back then. A sudden desire, a longing to go back, sit in those classes, listen to my teachers takes over me. I know it is next to impossible, but then, my wishes are mine and so is my imagination. I have found refuge in moulding my imagination to a great extent.”Had this been the case, this is how I would have been….”, and there starts a dream sequence, where i am the director and i am the actor. Lovely experience it is! Ahhh……forgive my getaways! This wasn’t the planned course of my blog, but I cudn’t overcome the urge of mentioning it. Hehehehe!

Well, DPS gave me some very valuable lessons in life. I learnt to revere my teachers and elders here. That, according to me, is one lesson which is best if inculcated at an early age. Though, at initial stages, this learning was in a crude form,(u know, standing up and saying in a monotone…”Gooodaaa moooorrrnniiinnng maaaaa”aaammmmm”! Back then, it was a ritualistic early morning song that we thought we had to sing on seeing the chalkbearers. Gross!!), later, it became a part and parcel of our lives. Then, we were taught to SEEK for opportunities. True, for some days, we had to be spoonfed, but later, it was thrust upon us that we were all warriors who had to fight for ourselves, and all by ourselves. This was one lesson that really helped me in my life ahead. You know, you must be strong enough to take responsibility of all your actions and their consequences.  When you look back, you must not have any regrets. This takes a lot of courage, but is a very very important thing in life.

Next, we learnt to be independent at school. The curriculum was so designed that we had to LEARN things in their totality, not just mug up and vomit. Being independent saves you from many hassles. The only person u are answerable to is yourself. That sure helps, doesn’t it??? And yeah, one thing that am very thankful for, to my school is, that it helped me develop my love for the English Language. I seriously feel that the incapability to speak English is nothing less than a handicap. The importance of conversing in English was injected in us. Stress was not laid upon using flamboyant and bombastic words, but the emphasis was more on the correct usage of grammar. Now I am in a position wherein I understand the nuances of the language and am grateful to my school for that!

a wonderful view of my school!!!

a wonderful view of my school!!!

Oh! what fun we used to have at school! I used to be the monitor, a rare but least sought after opportunity given to the most (un)fortunate students. The ONLY advantage of being the monitor was that you had in ur possession, the class pass…Now that was THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER OBJECT IN THE CLASS! It was the exit pass from the class. Only the proud possessors of the class pass were allowed the luxury of roaming on the corridors during change of periods. And, would I compromise on that luxury!!??? NEVER! Hahaha…the wicked I, and my equally wicked friends used to perpetually be on the corridors, much to the disgust of Patel Sir(sorry sir, but we are not sorry!). Our destinations used to be the junior wing staff room or the john. Ahemmm….to cut a long story short, we derived immense pleasure in bunking some OBNOXIOUS classes!!! Hey, dont u judge me by that!

Coming to talk about friends, guess I could go on forever and ever. Beethi, Swati, Surabhi, Sumit are some people whom i’d never forget throughout my life. We stood together through thick and thin. Their inclusion in my life made it all the more colourful and worthy. We broke almost all the rules laid down at school, but escaped altogether. I really cherish the memories of the times that we’d spent together. And I would fail if I do not mention two other people who made my life worth living. They’re two teachers of mine, who really were my beacon. Had it not been for them, I wouldn’t have been what I am today. Sreekala Ma’am, my English teacher, literally transformed me into the person I am today. I know she’s way too modest to accept this, but I know how much she means to me. I look upon her as my second mother. I love her for her unending trust in me and my abilities. I am very happy that I rediscovered her, and we talk almost everyday. Thank You ma’am, for everything you’ve given me! And, Renu Ma’am, my Hindi teacher, who kept reminding me at all points of time that I had it in me!! Though with a bith of distant approach, she saw to it that I did bring out the best in me. I had always aspired to be in her best books, and this aspiration drove me to give my best in all my endeavours. So, I owe a lot to her. Thank you Ma’am, your constant support and drive truly helped me a lot!

the assembly ground

the assembly ground

So, these are some of my memories about my school. I was browsing through the album of one of my friends who happened to visit the school recently. I must say, i felt so jealous of him…!!! So, when i stumbled upon those pics, on an impulse i sat down to write this post. As my previous posts, this one wouldn’t follow any particular order. Just that i have typed at a stretch for 45 mins, and in a random order, mentioned whatever came into my mind. I do hope i have succeeded in stirring some old memories of yours. Believe me, nothing like reliving those old days in the backdrop of ur memories. After all,   Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  And, I strongly believe that….”The leaves of memory seemed to make a mournful rustling in the dark.”…God bless!!!!

July 4, 2008

I find Bliss in…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Shyamala N. @ 9:47 pm

Well, I was thinking what makes me the happiest. Many random thoughts passed through my mind, and it took me a while to bead them into a string of logic. I am not to be put to blame if You don’t find any logic in the lines that follow. For me, they happen to be the most blissful things. Sometimes, happiness lies in life’s small things. These things are so painfully small, that searching for them with the glasses of logic and reasoning makes them impossible to be found. When you least expect to, you actually stumble upon them. That, lemme tell u, is an exhilarating experience. Happiness is a feeling, bliss is a state of mind. Once you get to experience that bliss, the memory of it alone is enough to keep you going for days together.

I find bliss:

1) In the fresh aroma of wet earth after the first showers of rain.

2) In standing under the cold shower, after a particularly sweaty day.

3) In listening to ENIGMA, sitting in a dark, closed, cool room. (Ahhh…the bliss of solitude!).

4) In listening to the voice of a friend over phone, whom I’ve been missing a lot.

5) In the aroma of good food cooking when I’m damned hungry.

6) In the feeling of cold water down my parched throat.

 bliss

7) When a baby grasps my finger inside its tiny hand.

8) In the touch of a small baby’s hand.

9) When I see a man playing with a small baby.

10) When I hear the wind-chimes, chiming their beautiful music in the gentle breeze.

11) In the blast of the cold air of the Air-Conditioner on my face on a very sultry day.

12) In the innocence of a child.

13) In the taste of the chocolate given to me by my friend.

14) In making up with my friend, after a terrible fight.

15) In the company of my loved ones.

16) In racing my Scooty, and feeling the wind through my hair.

 

So, this is my greener side, ripped for you to see. I have always felt that every person on this earth in connected to every other person. Everyone’s happiness and everybody’s sorrows are interlinked. If I’m smiling now, without an apparent reason, maybe, someone, somewhere is happy. And if I am feeling grumpy or kinky for no particular reason, again, someone is suffering somewhere. The cosmic energy is distributed amongst us human beings. “Let there be light”. These words are said to have created the universe. Somewhere, the light is fading away. We have become so cynical. A simple, innocent smile from a passer-by causes a stir in our minds. “Why is he smiling at me? Anything awkward about my dress? Is my hair all unset?” Have we become so entangled in the webs of our own complacency and cynicism, that we are unable to think straight? Now, what can a simple smile imply???

Let’s bring the light back into our lives. Let’s appreciate the efforts of fellow human beings in making world a better place to live in. “we are the world, we are the ones to make a better future. So, let’s start living!”. Amen!

July 2, 2008

A Lovely song..with Wonderful lyrics!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Shyamala N. @ 1:04 pm

Well, the holidays are longer than any of us expected, and I guess , there wud be no change in the state of affairs for a couple of months more. So, I am all by myself, with all the time in the world. I am hitting upon some real nice songs, and this one really swept me off my feet. It’s a beautiful song, and the lyrics are so damned gud!! Here goes, “AFFIRMATION” by Savage Garden:

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other
people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because
it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job
they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low 
self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely
by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you 
get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love
until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the
other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until
you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your 
sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than 
monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are
your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than
money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom 
is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are 
millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what
 you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love
until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener 
on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got
until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to 
your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need
to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what 
you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love
 until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on 
the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got
until you say goodbye

Isn't it simply awesome??? Try getting the song
from music.cooltoad.com
More updates to come soon...
Cheerios!!

June 18, 2008

KUDOS TO KAMAL!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Shyamala N. @ 9:01 pm

 \How often do you come across a movie which has all elements of a total BLOCKBUSTER?? If it’s been a while since u’ve seen a good movie, then, trust me, rush to the theatre nearby ur place, get tickets for DASAVATHARAM and enjoy 3 hours of absolute pleasure! If it were for me to describe the whole movie in one word, then my choice of word wud be : Magnanimous!!

    Kamal Hasan has come up with an ingenious story, which, at first sight may look like a normal plot. But if you are well versed with the nuances of Indian mythology, then u wud realize how much of thought and care has gone into the screenplay of the movie. I would unabashedly call this movie “The Biggest Movie of Indian Cinema!”. Oh yes sir! It surpasses in all ways, the so called biggies of bollywood and kollywwood,

What makes this movie so BIG? Not Mallika Sherawat( I wud say her presence is so ignorable), not the music score, not the cinematography. U can actually ignore all this. The beauty of the story is what the story is all about. Yes, the 10 characters played by Kamal make the movie so bloody enticing. What starts as a bauble,  ends up in such a perfect plot, that u can’t help but appreciate the maturity and sensitivity of the person who has fathered this story. Who, but a highly accomplished and experienced showmaker can even think of threading up 10 characters who potray the 10 incarnations of Vishnu. Kamal has given the critics a run for their money. Initially, there was a huge showdown regarding the name of the movie, but Kamal saw to it that everyone who raised a finger against him, ate dust. So much so for such blatant remarks!

You can’t categorize any character as relevant or irrelevant. Each one has a perfectly shaped story spun around itself. Trust me, only Kamal has the ability to keep under control the otherwise sublime story.  I have just words of praises for the movie, but a proper review MUST AND SHOULD contain a few criticisms, isn’t it? So, just for the sake of that, i rope in a few “could have been avoideds”:

1) Mallika Sherawat

2) Mallika Sherawat

3) Mallika Sherawat

Oh ok ok! Am not biased,  nor am i against the female. Just that, she affects the sanctity of the movie.  But, the movie wud have been still the same, and maybe more wholesome without her. (Hey, don’t go by my words, I HATE MALLIKA SHERAWAT!). And then, maybe, Karunanidhi needn’t have been so blatantly patronized in the end. Instead, Kamal could have thought like a shrewd businessman and brought in Rajnikant. No, i am not hinting any sarcasm here.

How the characters are to be interpreted, is given below. A fellow orkutian provided me with this insight:

1. Krishna avatar – Vincent Poovaraghavan
Lord krishna is actually a dalit, he is dark-skinned [shyamalam]. He saved draupadi when she was being violated and he was the actual diplomat in mahabharatham. Lord krishna dies of an arrow striking his lower leg. Now look at how vincent was introduced.. he appears when asin is about to be molested and he saves her like draupadi. Vincent is the dalit diplomat, fights for land issue [soil issue to be exact] and dies from the metal rod striking his leg. Oh even five of vincent’s men are drugged at P. Vasu’s.. sounds familiar???

2.Varaha avatar – Krishnaveni paatti
During the mukunda song, krishnaveni paatti does varaha avatar in the shadow puppetry. The frame freezes on it for a second. there is the clue. Moreover, in varaha avatar lord actually hides earth so as to protect life forms. Here too krishnaveni hides the germs – life form inside the statue so as to protect.

3.Parasurama avatar – Christian Fletcher
Parasurama is actually on an angry killing spree and killed 21 generations of the particular kshatriya vamsa. Hence the real KILLER… Guess what thats what our Fletcher is! He comes around with the gun [modern upgrade for axe] and kills everyone around. I have to check if he kills 21 people though.

4.Narasimha avatar – Shingen Narahashi
first of all the name itself is a play on the words singam [means lion in tamil] and narasimha [the avatar being symbolised]. Lord Narasimha manifests himelf to kill the bad guy and he also teaches prahaladha. In the movie, he shows up to kill the killer fletcher! and is also a teacher.. Lord Narasimha had to kill the asura with bare hands and hence the martial arts exponent here.. get it?

5.Vamana avatar – Kalifulla khan
remember in vamana avatar, lord vishnu takes the vishvaroopa, that is the giant form! Hence the giant kalifulla here symbolises vamana avatar.

6. Koorma avatar – Bush
This is the most loose adaptation I couldn’t clearly comprehend. But if you look at the real koorma avatar, the lord is the turtle/tortoise that helps in stirring the ksheera sagara and bringing out the amruth. This essentially creates war among the devas and asuras. Similarly today Bush facilitates war between you know whom… May be Kamal also indicates that this avatar is a bit dumb like the tortoise…

7. Rama avatar – Avatar Singh
Lord Rama stands for the one man one woman maxim, kind of symbolising true love.. Here Avatar portrays that spirit by saying that he loves his woman more than anything and wants to live for her.

8.Kalki avatar – Govindaraj Ramasamy
As you know, the hero in kaliyug can be none other than the Kalki avatar!!! 

9. Balaram – Balram Naidu

Balram is the one who helps Krishna through the war in the maha bharat and here Balaram naidu is the only soul that Govind can turn to for help through out his mission

10.  Matsya Avatar- rangarajan nambi 
Lord vishnu took the form of a fish to descend into the waters to bring back the holy vedas and does bring it back succesfully… In this case rangaraja nambi went into the waters with the idol and brings it back to the surface 9 centuries later!

Highly theosophical, isn’t it? Well, u must give in that this is so damned incredulous!

In short, all i’d like to say is-“What the hell are u waiting for? Go and watch the movie for God’s sake!”

Well, if u are a person who expects the usual “boy-chasing-halfclad-girl-around-a-tree”, then i would suggest you not to go for the movie, cuz u aren’t mature enough to understand the story! But buddy, this is not a disclaimer. Just chill!

 

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