My Life, my dreams, my musings……..

September 7, 2008

Time. Change. Times Change…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 12:03 am

Time. Change. These two words have been in my thoughts for quite some time now. It’s like, every thing that I think about these days, are somehow related to these two words. You  see, this period is in a way golden. For once, it has given me ample opportunity to spend time with myself. “Main aur meri tanhayi…” kinds. No romantic intonations here. I am, and my thoughts are. There are times when sooo.. many thoughts flood my mind. And I keep playing them, rewinding, fast forwarding, doing all kinds of engineering with them.  How I wish I could just freeze them, put them in suspended mode, and analyse each one of them properly. But alas!! They are volatile, sublime…. Well…..coming back to change, time. I’ll thread them together, because that’s how they are supposed to be. Yeah. Time brings Change. Change takes Time. Whatever.

This time I visited Korba, my friend, who is seeing me after 6 long years was Shocked at how much I’d changed. Physically, yes….mentally, all the more. And that’s what surprised her all the more. I had only one thing to say to her…People do change over time. If there is no change, there is stagnation. And where there is stagnation, there is no growth. And no growth is as good as death. My friend didn’t seem very comfortable on seeing some of my changes. But hey….I am my truth. The ultimate truth for me is I. Confusing, eh? Forget it then..

I was wondering about what all about me has changed over a period of 6 years.  The first thing that strikes me is I have started loving myself a lot. There used to be a period when I was ashamed of myself! Can you believe that???? I hated looking at what the mirror showed. I was living in a shadow of so many people back then. I had no persona of myself. I reflected the ideas, thoughts of my peers. I never lived MY life earlier. Then came the biggest event in my life-my departure from Korba. The departure gave way to some fresh arrivals in my life. Self acceptance, individuality, confidence, what not! And life Changed me, rather, I Changed my life. Self acceptance slowly gave way to love for myself. I am so much at ease with myself, and the mirror has become my friend. And I strongly believe that, when you are aware of your own self, your own needs, you are much more open to things around you. Sensitivity to your surroundings creeps in automatically.  

And yes, another big change in my life has been acceptance of people, things as they are. For this, the first thing that we have to overcome is, Expectations. The word encompasses in itself, some of the mysteries of broken hearts and relationships. “I am upset, because my friend did not call me up, as I expected her to.” “My mother is upset, because I did not perform as well as she expected.” “This student did not stand upto the expectations of the teachers.” See? Everytime we Expect something, we tend to get upset more often than not. Our expectations always are marked by our own parameters. We put into brackets, the people and things, and when things don’t fall in these brackets, we sulk. One should not forget that putting into brackets is nothing but limiting things. The universe is unlimited, seamless, endless. Then how we, the beings of the universe, who carry the qualities of the Supreme beings, can be limited? We are subject to growth every moment, every second. We are designed to change constantly.

Acceptance is a virtue, which is very, very important. It is one of the simple keys to a comfortable life.  The basic form of that is self acceptance. Then comes the acceptance towards the fellow human beings. And finally comes the acceptance of the circumstances. Remember, acceptance doesn’t in any way make us cowardly. On the other hand, it is a feat difficult to achieve by all. The easiest way to conquer the storm is to follow its course. Great epics like Ramayana speak of acceptance as virtue of God. Did Rama not accept Kaikeyi, even though she meted out a very cruel judgement on Him? And yes, acceptance not only glorifies a person, it also simplifies the otherwise complex situations. I attribute this change in me wholly to my stay in the hostel. It has definitely changed my perspective towards life.

I have also learnt to harness the strength of forgiveness. People are never inherently bad or sadistic. We were all conceived in a moment of passion. So anything created in passion cannot be bad at all. Circumstances make us what we are. The moment we start looking at things this way, we would find that we can easily forgive anybody and everybody, however heinous the crime committed by the other person. Forgiveness is not the shield of cowards, it is the weapon of the most mighty human forms. As it is, Life does not give us a second chance. Then why should we be cruel and do the same?

These changes are some of the major events in my life. I am happy that I changed. Now, looking at the world with rainbow shades is not an unimaginable thing for me.  This is a line from one of the most famous MJ numbers,” If you wanna change the world, start with the Man in the Mirror!” God bless…

 

 

September 2, 2008

PARADISE LOST AND FOUND….my trip to Korba!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Shyamala N. @ 1:09 pm

        The seed was sown when I saw the pictures in the album of my classmate. A few of them had visited the school recently and had taken lots of pictures of their sojourn to school. The nostalgia bug bit me, and bit me very hard. From then on, there wasn’t a day that’d pass without me charting out a plan to visit Korba and my alma mater- DPS, KORBA. Somehow things wouldn’t just get set right. There was always some obstacle or the other. Finally, one day, luck shone bright on me. Sreekala ma’am was to come to Delhi for a programme. She decided to take me along with her while returning. Bingo! Suddenly, everything became just right. That marked the beginning of a very close-to-heart trip.

        We reached Champa at around 1:00 pm. All through the car ride to ma’am’s place, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Trust me, I could savour even the fragrance of my earliest memories of the place. It was a total, out-of-the-world experience. I could see so many familiar faces on day 1, some of them being my old teachers. Day 2 was the best all through my stay. I was going to visit the school I loved so dearly!!! Right from the morning, I was envisioning how it’d be, to walk on the corridors which have seen so much of me, the most of me. I drove to school (yes, ma’am was too generous and entrusted her car with me. Love u ma’am!) at around 11.15 am. It was so difficult to keep my hands shaking with excitement! The smile seemed to have glued to my face permanently. I was all but running to the staff room, where I was sure that I’d meet most of my teachers. Trust me, it is absolute bliss to see the huge acknowledging smile on the faces which you’ve revered so much. With each teacher I have so many memories attached. I was reliving each of them vividly. You know what, teachers are the ones who make you the person you are. I owe my persona completely to the teachers of this wonderful institution. What upset me was that there were so many great teachers during my times at school, but most of them have left now. I guess the present students are missing a lot, without the likes of Renu ma’am, Bama ma’am, etc. in the school. Guess my luck was way too good!!!

We might have achieved so much in our post-school lives, but I believe that we definitely must show our gratitude towards our makers. Our teachers have nurtured us right from the beginning. We must not deprive them of the pleasure of feeling proud of their hard work, and the success of making a worthy human being. It is more or less like the gardener who has planted saplings….his joys knows no bounds when he sees the fruit laden trees after a decade. We are our teachers’ investments of hard work and commitments.  

I met most of my teachers there. It was awesome. Their unending trust in us drives us all the more towards excellence. And yeah!! I could not hold myself from sitting in one of the classrooms. It was a total emotional boost up for me. I could give anything in return for a day in the classrooms, with some of my favourite teachers taking classes for me. Guess some things can never know the realms of reality; they are conceived in the thoughts, get nurtured there, and end there as well.

           The next day found me taking a walk on the streets of the township, the streets that I used to tread on so often. Somehow or the other, every little thing there has some memories attached to it. It was difficult for me to stop those small memory bubbles plopping in my head so often. I walked to the place which was my HOME for 12 long years. That house has seen my laughter, tears. It still resounds of the giggles that my sister and I used to share. The grass still gives out the fresh aroma of wet earth, after a splendid shower in which I used to love getting drenched with my friends. Tears started flowing all by themselves, and I made no efforts to stop them. Sometimes words seem so oblique; silence and tears surmise all our deepest feelings. Whew! It was a beautiful feeling that I experienced then, standing there in front of the heavenly abode, D-22, Krishna Vihar. Hmmm….all I have to say is, “I walked on lonely streets, on the boulevard of broken dreams!” I met my old neighbours, close friends of ours.

          Day 5, and the painfully last day of the wonderful stay, saw me driving to one of my oldest teacher’s place. It was more of a courtesy visit, because I hadn’t met her before leaving Korba. She lives alone now, and I could succeed in giving her company for 2 hours. That evening, Rashmi, one of my friends, dropped in and together we made a trip to Kavita ma’am’s place. Now, Kavita ma’am is more of a friend to me than a teacher. She is one of those few people with whom I could entrust my life. I have very fond memories of her. It was lovely to meet her after such a long time. And the day ended with a wonderful dinner at Hotel Green Park with Rashmi, Moumita and Achu. We kept up with some old traditions 😉 !!! Solemn promises, formal handshakes, informal departing hugs, we did all of them!!!

          Now comes the best part about my stay…! It isn’t about a place, it is all about the pesrson with whom I stayed. Yep! I stayed with Sreekala Ma’am. There were many raises eyebrows when I mentioned that I was going to stay with my teacher. But to all those people who scoffed at me, I answered with a sympathetic smile….they did not have a person as wonderful as her in their lives. I stayed with a person whom I love a lot, who is probably the closest to my heart from Korba. This trip helped me in understanding ma’am all the more, and I my love and admiration for her increased manifolds. I can claim unabashedly now that I love her in her totality. Ma’am. I am, because you are!!! And yes, here, in this trip, I got a younger brother, something which I’ve always yearned for. Achu is a total bundle of joy. You know what, of all human beings, only children know how to love selflessly and unconditionally. In Achu, I found a person who accepted me totally the way I am. For him, all that mattered was my company. Seriously, if the whole world could start loving as a child does, it would become a better place to live in! Aaahhh…forgot to mention who Achu is…he is Sreekala Ma’am’s 8 year old son!

         I guess even the railway department did not want me to leave so soon…..the train for the return journey was delayed by 3 hours. The 5 hours that I spent in the station was full of fond memories of the past 6 days. It was all in all a wonderful trip. It was raining hard in the Champa station, and all I could feel was a mélange of emotions going through me. The feeling of loving and being loved, good memories lingering in my thoughts, the aroma of wet earth and the soft sprays of rain did wonders to me. And, as ma’am put it, there was downpour outside me and within me too!!! Nature complemented the mood….it was the pious shower which washes away all the negativities and makes you an altogether new person!!!

 

                                                                                                                          

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